Our lucky fin baby is 11 weeks today. Where on earth has that time gone? I can’t actually remember what I filled it with. She’s already babbling away incessantly and putting those building blocks in place ready to roll over, if only she could get her lucky fin out of the way. Despite all these amazing changes she’s undergone in such a short (yet infinite) amount of time, I can’t quite remember when the snuggly newborn ceased to be and the bright-eyed and energetic infant took her place.
She’s already displaying her mother’s tendency towards chronic indecisiveness, however. She cannot work out which is better, to suck on her lucky fin, or to suck on her left thumb. I have to confess, as a recovering thumb-sucker myself, I was hoping that she’d never notice that tempting little digit. Not only because I often had blisters on the top of my thumb where I would rest it permanently on my lower teeth, but also because I fear she’d not be able to do much else while sucking it with her right hand missing. It looks as though I’ll simultaneously win and lose in that department as, throughout the day, she switches from one to the other and back again depending on which is the most accessible.
At such a young age, accessibility isn’t something I’d given much thought to, particularly in regards to her clothing. I know in the future that things such as shoelaces, buttons and zips may prove to be tricky customers for her, but surely baby grows don’t need any adaptations, she isn’t going to be dressing herself in them after all. Plus, wouldn’t I want to use them again for baby Number 2? Yet as the weather starts to get a bit cooler and her sleeves are getting a bit thicker, just rolling them back has become more of an issue. With a big wad of material around her wrist she couldn’t manoeuvre her little hand in order to get it into her mouth, resulting in tears and frustration.
And so I dug out my sewing kit and resigned myself to adapting just the essentials of her wardrobe. It took a fair few failed attempts, a few 1970s-style flared sleeves, before I worked out how to taper them in at the wrist and not make it look as though a child had done it. Without a hand to stop the material falling over her digits, she needed the sleeve to fit snuggly around her little arm to stop it swamping her or providing a nice little trap to get her arm caught in.
Yet it was only after I’d dressed her in her first adapted baby grow that I realised how right it felt. How I should have done this weeks ago. Each stitch felt like another tiny piece of the acceptance puzzle falling into place. Each stitch meant that she finally had clothes that were entirely her own. Her clothes no longer belonged to some imaginary sibling that didn’t even exist yet. I have been telling her since birth that she is perfect the way she is. Therefore, if she is so perfect, why should she wear clothes that don’t even fit, clothes that swamp her little arm and hide it from view, or prevent her from using it in every way she can?
Following on from this epiphany there’s no stopping me now. After initially planning to just adapt a select few of her generic babygrows, every single item has now fallen prey to my sewing kit. From the designer dresses bought for her by family, to the dinosaur jumpers and baby grows I force her into each day. Everything she owns is going to be hers entirely and fully. Unexpectedly, a result of finally making these changes is that her little hand feels all the less obvious for it. Every time I dressed her, the ritual of rolling back the sleeve drew attention to her difference. So now, with no daily wardrobe adaptations to make, I don’t see that my baby girl is different in any way. When I look at her now, rocking her very own wardrobe, I see no difference. I see a whole and a beautiful young lady wearing clothes that are entirely her own.
This is my Lucky Fin baby. She is a perfect fit for this world. Now her clothes are as perfect a fit for her as she is for the world. Maybe, some day down the line, instead of handing her clothes down to a sibling, she’ll be handing them on to the next newest member of the Lucky Fin community who shares a diffability similar to her own.