This week has been a week of mini milestones in the Though She Be But Little camp.
Tomorrow our pregnancy hits 37 Weeks. That is officially full-term in baby language, so our little lady is free to make her grand entrance any time from now and we’ll be over the moon when she does!
Today was also our last ever appointment with our foetal medicine consultant. A pretty momentous occasion. I’ve lost count of how many scans we’ve had since our 20-week routine scan way back in March, but I’m pretty sure it’s reaching the high teens, if not well into the twenties. It was an odd feeling to say goodbye to her today, knowing that post-natal care and investigations will be handled by a whole different raft of professionals. It felt like something big, a huge achievement, like both we and Baby have graduated somehow. The scan showed that Baby is growing well, and despite my sporadic lack of acceptance, that her right hand definitely isn’t there. The sonographer said again that there might be some kind of digit, but without much conviction. I’m not sure if they just say that because they think that’s what I’m wanting to hear, but we don’t have long to wait to find out now.
We got a great shot of her chubby face. I have to admit I was the only one in the room who couldn’t see it at first, until I realised that I was looking for a face a whole lot smaller than the one on the screen. I can’t believe how much she’s grown and I can’t wait to meet her for real, rather than seeing the sonographic equivalent of her face pressed against the glass!
This week has also seen a turn about in my mind. Throughout the pregnancy, exacerbated but not caused by the complications, I have suffered with severe anxiety and depression. An intense fear of birth (not helpful when you’re pregnant) has raised it’s ugly head time and time again and it’s only through reading as many Hypnobirthing books as I can get my hands on, combined with support from my specialist midwife and my foetal medicine consultant, that I’ve managed to create a positive ideal in my mind. It was my first midwife appointment today, after 9 months of appointments, where I was able to speak confidently and with positivity about my impending birth experience. Daily meditation and banning myself from negative readings, attitudes and thoughts have both played a huge part. Gaining the self-confidence to know for myself what information I do and don’t need and what birthing attitudes are simply detrimental to my mindset has been invaluable.
Another event that put the stoppers on the train tracks of my negativity was a baby shower. My friends and family came together for the most amazing day and threw me a baby shower in the stunning Tudor manor house of Kentwell. It was absolutely tipping it down, monsoon levels of rain, but underneath that awning, surrounded by my friends, it couldn’t have been brighter. One of the symptoms of depression I have suffered with has been a sense of isolation, of inherently being unlovable. These sensations are incredibly difficult to maintain when the people that mean the most rally around you like that. I’ve still not managed to adequately thank them for everything they’ve done and I’m not even sure they’re aware just what a significant impact that day has had on me. The whole weekend was topped off when I got home the following day to find that Ben, he of the inappropriate humour, had called in the troops (his brother, sister-in-law and my cousin) to decorate the bathroom, the nursery and to get the living room prepped for the decorators after a well timed bathroom disaster a few months ago. The entire weekend served to spring board me up onto a more positive level that everyone, from my husband to my midwife, has noticed. I just wish I had stronger words than ‘thank you’ to offer everyone involved!
With Baby’s nursery finally complete we now have a room to put all her things in. Knowing that, should she arrive tomorrow, we’d be able to function has been incredibly cathartic and made it all really very real. I’ve been living in a surreal bubble of disbelief for the past months. I know I’m pregnant (it’s difficult not to with her booting me wholeheartedly in the ribs all day) but the idea of actually having a baby has been illusive. Now I find myself drifting into the nursery at every opportunity and it’s the one place in the house I feel calm and at peace –I figure that’s a very good sign! I’ve been practicing my daily meditation and Hypnobirthing mindfulness sat on my birthing ball in there each day. With any luck, some of that serenity will linger in the room and she’ll sleep like a dream. One can always hope!
The week is still only half way through but the icing on the top of the cake will come on Sunday, when my hockey team captain, Kimberley, hits the streets of London to run the Vitality 10k to raise money for Reach. She’s been training incredibly hard, no matter the weather – not even letting trivial things such as holidays interrupt her! Her amazing effort has seen us raise £380 for Reach so far, a total that continues to rise.
All money raised goes directly to Reach – a charity offering invaluable support and guidance to around 60 new families each year who’s child is born with an upper limb difference, or a ‘diffability‘ as I now like to call it.
- £25 – Pays for a comprehensive Welcome Information Pack for one family. (Our pack was an invaluable source of support to me a few months ago – thank you so much!)
- £30 – Covers the hire of a one-handed recorder for one year. (Worries about whether Baby would be able to learn a musical instrument have proved to be unfounded!)
- £50 – Buys gadgets to help a promising swimmer to train through our Bursary.
- £75 – Allows a child to spend one day at Reach Activity Week.
- £100 – Is the cost of one workshop leader at the family weekend, to provide the children with fun, safe and interesting activities.
- £250 – Pays for a child aged 10 -18yrs to attend the residential Reach Activity Week – an invaluable source of friendship, acceptance and fun.
- £500 – Pays for a Reach member to have essential adaptations to their car so they can learn to drive.
A huge and heartfelt thank you to everyone who has donated so far and supported Kimberley throughout her training. Also a massive
to Kimberley, for all of her hard work, dedication and training towards raising such an awesome sum of money!
We’re wishing her the best of luck (and weather!) on Sunday as she pounds the streets to #Runthecapital.